Jun 15, 2013

Reactions in Florida after the Tebow signing

So obviously, New England's signing of Tim Tebow has generated considerable buzz across our great country, but nowhere is the excitement quite palpable as it is in Florida. Given his immense, intense following in the Sunshine State -- only rivaled, arguably, by the North Koreans' dedication to their Dear Leaders -- it is quite natural that this news would be greeted with an outpouring of joy, tears, and overwhelming support here.

To give you an idea of how excited the inhabitants of this great state are about the Patriots' salvation of Tebow's NFL career, here is a small sampling of tweets, Facebook posts, interview quotes, and plain-old word of mouth that followed the announcement on Tuesday:

"I've never heard of this Bellachuck feller, but I know he's a damn smart man."
 - a seafood restaurant waiter in Panama City Beach

"He's obviously coming to replace Tom Brady as the Patriots quarterback. Why else would Belichick bring him in? Do y'all really not see this?"
- a car mechanic in Ocala

"So what Brady has won Super Bowls? Timmy beat the Steelers in the playoffs!!!"
- a high school cafeteria worker in Daytona Beach

"Look, Tebow is undefeated in the playoffs. Can you the same about Brady? No sir!" 
- mail room clerk in Orlando

"Tebow ate Arkansas for lunch when he was with the Gators. Why can't he do the same in the pros?"
- a supermarket cashier in Lakeland, on a potential quarterback competition with Ryan Mallett

"The Patriots have truly lived up to their name by signing Tim Tebow!!"
- a convenience store clerk in Dade City

"I really don't understand why horrible quarterbacks like Ponder, Manuel, and Grossman can get chance after chance after chance in the NFL, but a great player like Tim Tebow can't get a proper one himself."
- divorce lawyer in Fort Lauderdale, when asked if Tebow could still be a quarterback

"Tebow would have won multiple Super Bowls by now if someone gave him a chance. Did people not see what he did in college???" 
- part-time line cook at a Sarasota diner

"Isn't it amazing that we know a lot more about football than these NFL execs? It's so dumb how they can't see that Tebow is the best player in the league!" 
- bail bondsman in Pensacola

"Pawwwwl, does Tebow signing with the Patriots mean America is gonna go back to being great again?"
- forklift driver in Lake City, at approximately 4pm on Tuesday

"Tebow can sit back, learn, and eventually become the next Steve Young once Brady retires." 
- a McDonald's manager in Alachua County

"Turning a godless city like Boston into his own personal heaven will be Tebow's greatest feat to date." 

- a retired car parts supervisor in Wesley Chapel

"When Tebow is starting at QB in Week 3, it will be a biggest sign that he is indeed the living Jesus." 

- Walmart greeter in Jacksonville

Suffice to say, Tebowmania is still very much alive here in God's Waiting Room.

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